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Simple Truths

Archive for the ‘Fiction’ Category

Ravens and Pinecones

April 6, 2012

They climbed the stairs of the high school stage and Dominic went to the microphone. He blew in it. It caused instant feedback that hurt everyone’s ears. “Is this thing-” He was too close. The audience covered their ears. Too much feedback. He backed up. “-Is this thing on?”

“We’re hearing you loud and clear Dominic,” said Larry Lemay. Dominic pumped his head Larry’s way.

“Ravens and Pinecones,” Dominic said leaning into the microphone. He used a placid tone for the greeting to his piece. He cleared his throat. He stepped back from the microphone. He rolled his shoulders back with his hands held out. He stepped up to the microphone with a vacant expression. His hands hovered over the microphone in an action similar to that which the backside of a magnet has on the backside of another magnet. He then gripped the microphone in a fashion so intense it caused the veins in his arms to appear. “I scream at pinecones. Just to get a reaction. Just to feel something.” He released the microphone and backed away, as if the intensity of the moment overpowered him. He measured the crowd. He soaked in each set of eyes. He stepped forward:

“Death! Ravens sipping from a puddle of what remains of the worst storm between God and man,” these words were issued in Dominic’s best seething whisper. “Run Abner! Run! He would know. He would run. He would run through the snow of Armageddon’s winter as if it was buttered corn stuck to his face until the roaches and squirrels could lick it off his embittered corpse.” He stepped back. His face contorted to that of a funk groove delivered. There was no reaction. Eyes were wide in the audience, expressions were tightened with confusion, and others had expressions that could only be described as concern. Dominic held the expression for another beat:

Amos Lee

July 1, 2011

It was a disappointment to all of us who adored Amos Lee that he wasn’t more than he was. When he would turn it on, Amos could leave a person breathless with anticipation. He created the expectation. He created the problem.

Flash Fiction: Mainframe

July 1, 2011

“What I’m trying to tell you is,” continues Mark, “that this feeling that I’m getting it…it just ain’t right.”

“We all go through this at different points in our lives Mark,” says his older friend Lucas. “I wouldn’t stay up at night worrying about it.”

“I think I’m changing though.”

“We’re all changing my friend,” Lucas says. He can’t help but laugh at his friend’s earnest theatrics. “It’s called the cycle of life.”

“It’s not the cycle of life,” Mark said with exasperation, “you don’t understand.”

“I understand, my friend, it’s called midlife. Our lives and our bodies change as we get older. There are some who say that we change dramatically in ten year cycles. Are you the same person you were ten years ago?”

“No.”

“Of course not, when we reach the midlife stage things change on us. The same way our bodies change during puberty, and when these changes hit us we all think that it’s completely unique to us. It’s not though, and if you need me to help you through it, let me know.”

“All right then, let me show you what I’m talking about,” Mark said as he pulled out his johnson. He did it with a red face and a great deal of moaning.

“Good God man,” Lucas said shielding his eyes and turning away quickly, “what are we doing here?”

“No, look.”

“I don’t want to see-”

“LOOK!” Mark called out in a pained cry.

Lucas’ eyes popped wide when he saw what appeared to be an electromagnetic emission flowing from his friend’s penis. “Maybe you should get that looked at.”

Something About Dreams

March 13, 2011

I used to think I would eventually become Batman, but I wasn’t willing to do the work it took. After reading the comics and waking up at six a.m. to watch the Superfriends cartoon to learn the formula, I realized that I would have to buy a number of gadgets. I was on a limited budget at the time, I think I was seven, and I realized it wasn’t going to be cost-effective. There were a number of other complications that arose that I won’t go into, but I never did become Batman. When I got a little older, I decided on the Fonz. He had a confluence of nerdiness and coolness that I could never quite tap into, but it seemed attainable to me, then there were my dreams of becoming Walter Payton and Johnny Jefferson, and finally Stephen King.

Something Different: A Crazy Lady

February 26, 2011

Warning: What follows is repulsive and disgusting. This is not fiction, however, this is the true story of a lady that I sat near at an online company. For those of you with weak stomachs, this is your official chicken exit. If you proceed past this paragraph you’re taking your weak stomach in your own hands with full warning.

The What’s That? Guys

January 21, 2010

I despise the ‘what’s that?’ guys. When one tells a story or a joke, some of the times these people like to add visuals. I am one of these guys. I think it enhances the joke. I gesticulate, walk around in a manner of the person telling the story, and I take on the odd tones that the other person used when they did something stupid. To this, the ingenious comedian to my left says, “What’s that?” and he smiles at all his friends. It would be all right if this thing ended with the show Friends, but people keep using it. I hear this joke so often that I wonder who said it first, and was it ever funny?

Due to the fact that we’re all in polite company, and nobody wants to initiate confrontation, I decided a need a few comebacks to the insipid ‘what’s that?’ guys were necessary. Disclaimer: the comebacks are as moronic and irrelevant as the ‘what’s that?’ comment.

Rules and Realities of Writing

August 25, 2009

I wanted to write an article on the world of writing the way I see it. It’s negative in spots and cynical in others, but I hope this doesn’t deter anyone with the dream of accomplishing all that they want to accomplish in the world of writing. The Leonardo da Vinci philosophy to answering a question was to ask them. He would compose hundreds of questions to the answer he was trying to achieve, and he found that by asking himself the questions he arrived at better answers. The key to the questions is to ask them objectively. You cannot worry about hurting your feelings. You cannot worry if these questions change the course of your answer one hundred and eight degrees. The questions must be asked.

Boring Writers

June 10, 2009

Writers of fiction are generally a boring lot. They fall in love with their words so often that they forget to write about something interesting.

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