Pick your battles, I say to those who ask me, and wage war on the vital aspects of life. A friend of mine wages war on every stupid thing that crosses her transom. It’s the stupid minutiae of life that really gets her dander up. I tell her not to complain so much. Pick your battles, I say, and people will listen to you when something really bothers you. I have an analogy that always works for me. It’s the difference between Dr. J and Magic Johnson. Every time Magic went down the lane, you would’ve thought that someone just attempted to rip his arm off. He bitched and moaned, and I lost a lot of respect for the guy. I’m sure that the refs that worked those games got sick of his whining too. I’m sure they even told him to shut up on occasion. It’s my belief that a Magic Johnson wouldn’t be listened to when he complained for the 187th time that season. Dr. J., on the other hand, did not complain. Julius simply accepted the fact that the refs would catch some fouls and they wouldn’t catch others. When Julius would get outraged, I say, the refs would listen. I’ve had this analogy and this theory for years. I’ve quietly accepted that which I didn’t think I could change, and I’ve saved it all up for the larger battles that I saw coming down the road. I live with the notion that when I eventually do complain, everyone is going to add a little more seriousness to it. The argument to my theory is that Magic was working the refs to make sure that he would get the calls that he was supposed to get. The argument is that Dr. J. was too passive, and the refs accidentally let some things slide. With Magic, they didn’t want to hear home bitch and moan, so they made more calls in his favor. In the office where I work, most ascribe to the Magic Johnson theory of bitching and moaning, and it works. I’m here to tell you today that I know nothing of the human condition. My theory on this topic has been officially rendered invalid. My friend, the complainer, the bitcher, the moaner, has been promoted a number of times, and my eventual complaints have been treated with no more and no less seriousness than hers. So bitch away good people of Earth. The fruits of your bitching and moaning are only a whine away.
Waging War in the Office Space