Scorpio Man


I didn’t ask to be born under the eighth sign of the zodiac, during Pluto’s once-in-a-lifetime transiting influence, but here I am in all my despondent glory. I am Scorpio Man.

I was once a proud man. I was proud of everything that made me who I am. I knew the astrological sign I was born under, just as I knew my ethnic heritage, but I never paid much attention to it. If someone asked me, as far back as a month ago, if I believed other people were concerned with astrological signs, I would’ve said no. What I’ve witnessed since then, however, leads me to believe that I woefully underestimated the number of people who view astrology as the truth.

I don’t watch much TV, and I don’t go to the movies very often, but I suspect that one of them introduced some concept that suggested all Scorpio males born under the sign Scorpio are evil, especially if the year of their birth happened to occur during Pluto’s transiting influence. For all I know, some website that focuses on astrological signs developed this theory by connecting arbitrary dots, and its followers believed it. I’ve done research on the topic, and I haven’t found anything definitive, so I’m at a loss for how it penetrated the zeitgeist.

When I first received a reaction to my date of birth, I thought it was a joke. The next time, I considered it such a coincidence that I thought my friends coordinated a joke. I asked my friend, the prankster of the workplace, if he knew what was going on. “Don’t tell me you don’t know,” he said. I don’t know if he had any knowledge of what I was going through, or if he decided that might be the funniest to say.

Regardless what he knew, people are now asking me for my date of birth everywhere I go. What’s going on? I don’t know. I’ve asked them. They don’t answer. They just look at me as if they know stuff about me, and what they know alarms them. What does that mean? I don’t know, but they start sniffing around my brain the minute we’re in an enclosure in which they feel trapped.

“What’s your date of birth?” they ask after they conclude their little brain scans. “What year were you born?” On more than one occasion this little Q&A ended with a non-verbal shrieks. I’ve witnessed mothers move to shield their children from me, and I’ve seen other women doing everything they can to get as far away from me as they can. I don’t know what’s going on, but the not-so-subtle attempts these people make to escape my company when I mention that the Sun positioned itself in the Scorpio in our birth chart, during a year in which Pluto had a once-in-a-lifetime transiting influence, have caused me so much shame that I’ve decided that the next time I’m in the office elevator with some nosy, busybody who badgers me for my date of birth, I’m just going to lie.

Scorpios are people too, with all of the same hopes and dreams as the rest of you. We want to have friends, and people who love us for who we are, but those of you in the eleven other sectors of the ecliptic have created a climate where the only way Scorpio males can feel comfortable in our celestial phenomena is to lie about our Sun’s positioning.

“I mean you no harm,” is something I tried saying once, “and I do not want to hurt you.” After I said that, the woman pushed the two button to get off the elevator as quick as she could. Prior to my plea, she pushed the six button. I realized that did more harm than good.

Rather than go through anything like that again, I’ve decided that I’m just going to start telling anyone who asks that my date of birth happens to fall under a Virgo Sun, and that nothing, not even an Aquarian Mars coming down on me hard-core, can disturb my Zen. If they continue to question me, stating that they can smell the darkness on me, I’m just going to say I’m a Pisces, because they can be whatever the hell they want to be.

I’m grown so tired of the prejudicial reactions I receive from those who know that Pluto is the god of the underworld, and that I just happen to be a man born in the Pluto in Scorpio generation that lying about the essence of my being, and all that I stand for, is now preferable. Is this what you all want? It appears as though you do. I’ve thought about fighting it. I’ve thought about telling you about all of the peace-loving Scorpio brethren that litter history, but I now know that that’s an unwinnable war.

Some of you and you know who you are, have decided that it’s acceptable, in this age of supposed enlightenment and acceptance, to call Scorpio men a dark force! The term dark force, you should know, is a pejorative term my people have had to deal with since the Hellenistic culture exerted its influence on Babylonian astrology. Just because a few bad eggs have gone rotten since that point does not mean we should throw the whole basket out. In this age of enlightenment, one would think that we would all make a more concerted effort to see passed whatever constellation the Sun happened to be in at the time of our birth.

Even those of us who decided to undergo extensive, and I add expensive, treatment to achieve the evolved state of a Scorpio man, still get that look from you troglodytes who happened to crawl out of the womb during another, superior positioning of the Sun, when you suggest that we “Can be total trips sometimes.” Then to have that air of superiority that comes from some of you (I’m looking at you Cancer Sun women!) who know that we will either get murdered (statistical samples show that most Scorpio males may get murdered in their bed) or murder (statistical samples state that Scorpio males “Can be most high rated criminals” (sic)). And just because we tend to be serial killers who “Thrive on power and control because they [Scorpios] are so insecure, and if they loose (sic) that power or control they go crazy” does not mean that it’s going to happen on our elevator ride together.

We don’t know when it’s going to happen, if you want to know the truth, and some of us have been able to control our Scorpio man impulses thanks to extensive and expensive “Scorpio man” evolvement courses.

It’s obvious you don’t care about any of that though. You’re not even curious enough to ask. You can say you are, but we all know what you say about us when we’re not around. We know you think we’re “Sadistic in our ability to bring out the worst in others.” We realize that no matter how hard we try to prove that we might, might be exceptions to these rules, you’re still going to say things such as, “There may be exceptions to this [Scorpio man] phenomenon. Would not want to rule out that possibility, however, they are rare.”

It’s this kind of talk that has led even us tweeners (those so close to other signs that we may share astrological characteristics with another sign) who are now taking classes to diminish the power of our dark half, to decide that we’re just going to lie about our date of our birth from this point forward. We didn’t want it to come to this, and our intention is not to deceive you, as most of us are quite proud of the position of the Sun in the constellation at the time of our birth. The climate you have all created, with your prejudicial reactions, is now so toxic that it’s become almost impossible for some of us to live normal lives, and we’ve reached a point where it’s just easier for us to conceal that aspect of our identity that was, at one time, such a proud heritage to some of us.

I didn’t ask to be born under the eighth sign of the zodiac, during Pluto’s once-in-a-lifetime transiting influence, but here I am in all my despondent glory. I am Scorpio Man.

I was once a proud man. I was proud of everything that made me who I am. I knew the astrological sign I was born under, just as I knew my ethnic heritage, but I never paid much attention to it. If someone asked me, as far back as a month ago, if I believed other people were concerned with astrological signs, I would’ve said no. What I’ve witnessed since then, however, leads me to believe that I woefully underestimated the number of people who view astrology as the truth.

I don’t watch much TV, and I don’t go to the movies very often, but I suspect that one of them introduced some concept that suggested all Scorpio males born under the sign Scorpio are evil, especially if the year of their birth happened to occur during Pluto’s transiting influence. For all I know, some website that focuses on astrological signs developed this theory by connecting arbitrary dots, and its followers believed it. I’ve done research on the topic, and I haven’t found anything definitive, so I’m at a loss for how it penetrated the zeitgeist.

When I first received a reaction to my date of birth, I thought it was a joke. The next time, I considered it such a coincidence that I thought my friends coordinated a joke. I asked my friend, the prankster of the workplace, if he knew what was going on. “Don’t tell me you don’t know,” he said. I don’t know if he had any knowledge of what I was going through, or if he decided that might be the funniest to say.

Regardless what he knew, people are now asking me for my date of birth everywhere I go. What’s going on? I don’t know. I’ve asked them. They don’t answer. They just look at me as if they know stuff about me, and what they know alarms them. What does that mean? I don’t know, but they start sniffing around my brain the minute we’re in an enclosure in which they feel trapped.

“What’s your date of birth?” they ask after they conclude their little brain scans. “What year were you born?” On more than one occasion this little Q&A ended with a non-verbal shrieks. I’ve witnessed mothers move to shield their children from me, and I’ve seen other women doing everything they can to get as far away from me as they can. I don’t know what’s going on, but the not-so-subtle attempts these people make to escape my company when I mention that the Sun positioned itself in the Scorpio in our birth chart, during a year in which Pluto had a once-in-a-lifetime transiting influence, have caused me so much shame that I’ve decided that the next time I’m in the office elevator with some nosy, busybody who badgers me for my date of birth, I’m just going to lie.

Scorpios are people too, with all of the same hopes and dreams as the rest of you. We want to have friends, and people who love us for who we are, but those of you in the eleven other sectors of the ecliptic have created a climate where the only way Scorpio males can feel comfortable in our celestial phenomena is to lie about our Sun’s positioning.

“I mean you no harm,” is something I tried saying once, “and I do not want to hurt you.” After I said that, the woman pushed the two button to get off the elevator as quick as she could. Prior to my plea, she pushed the six button. I realized that did more harm than good.

Rather than go through anything like that again, I’ve decided that I’m just going to start telling anyone who asks that my date of birth happens to fall under a Virgo Sun, and that nothing, not even an Aquarian Mars coming down on me hard-core, can disturb my Zen. If they continue to question me, stating that they can smell the darkness on me, I’m just going to say I’m a Pisces, because they can be whatever the hell they want to be.

I’m grown so tired of the prejudicial reactions I receive from those who know that Pluto is the god of the underworld, and that I just happen to be a man born in the Pluto in Scorpio generation that lying about the essence of my being, and all that I stand for, is now preferable. Is this what you all want? It appears as though you do. I’ve thought about fighting it. I’ve thought about telling you about all of the peace-loving Scorpio brethren that litter history, but I now know that that’s an unwinnable war.

Some of you and you know who you are, have decided that it’s acceptable, in this age of supposed enlightenment and acceptance, to call Scorpio men a dark force! The term dark force, you should know, is a pejorative term my people have had to deal with since the Hellenistic culture exerted its influence on Babylonian astrology. Just because a few bad eggs have gone rotten since that point does not mean we should throw the whole basket out. In this age of enlightenment, one would think that we would all make a more concerted effort to see passed whatever constellation the Sun happened to be in at the time of our birth.

Even those of us who decided to undergo extensive, and I add expensive, treatment to achieve the evolved state of a Scorpio man, still get that look from you troglodytes who happened to crawl out of the womb during another, superior positioning of the Sun, when you suggest that we “Can be total trips sometimes.” Then to have that air of superiority that comes from some of you (I’m looking at you Cancer Sun women!) who know that we will either get murdered (statistical samples show that most Scorpio males may get murdered in their bed) or murder (statistical samples state that Scorpio males “Can be most high rated criminals” (sic)). And just because we tend to be serial killers who “Thrive on power and control because they [Scorpios] are so insecure, and if they loose (sic) that power or control they go crazy” does not mean that it’s going to happen on our elevator ride together.

We don’t know when it’s going to happen, if you want to know the truth, and some of us have been able to control our Scorpio man impulses thanks to extensive and expensive “Scorpio man” evolvement courses.

It’s obvious you don’t care about any of that though. You’re not even curious enough to ask. You can say you are, but we all know what you say about us when we’re not around. We know you think we’re “Sadistic in our ability to bring out the worst in others.” We realize that no matter how hard we try to prove that we might, might be exceptions to these rules, you’re still going to say things such as, “There may be exceptions to this [Scorpio man] phenomenon. Would not want to rule out that possibility, however, they are rare.”

It’s this kind of talk that has led even us tweeners (those so close to other signs that we may share astrological characteristics with another sign) who are now taking classes to diminish the power of our dark half, to decide that we’re just going to lie about our date of our birth from this point forward. We didn’t want it to come to this, and our intention is not to deceive you, as most of us are quite proud of the position of the Sun in the constellation at the time of our birth. The climate you have all created, with your prejudicial reactions, is now so toxic that it’s become almost impossible for some of us to live normal lives, and we’ve reached a point where it’s just easier for us to conceal that aspect of our identity that was, at one time, such a proud heritage to some of us.