You could say I’m terrified of heights, but they’re just the delivery system. What I really fear is the rapid, involuntary reunion with the ground.
I’ve tried multiple variations of that unfunny joke just to have an answer for those who enjoy learning that I have a weakness. I also need answers to the questions I have for why I fear heights and others don’t, because if it were a phobia I wouldn’t be able to climb ladders or zipline through a forest. I found an answer that states that I’m not in the five to ten percent of those who suffer from some form of acrophobia, but I fit within a broader, non-phobic category of twenty-eight percent who suffer from something called a visual height intolerance (VHI). This isn’t the answer I was searching for, but it is an answer.
Even with that answer, those of us who suffer from VHI don’t understand why we have an irrational, emotional reaction to heights that frail, little old ladies and young teenagers don’t. It makes no sense to us that we struggle to stand atop a twenty-foot ladder and jump into a thirty-foot void tied to a zipline, and other people don’t. As our group of eleven made our way through the various ziplines, we got to know one another in superficial ways, and some of us were doofuses, but the doofuses weren’t as scared as I was. These doofuses were having fun. Why am I afraid, and they’re not, I kept asking myself throughout our journey, and when I couldn’t find an answer that satisfied me, I realized I was just a fraidycat.
If you’re an awful, offensive person, you probably attract offensively awful people as friends, and if you don’t have answers for them, they’ll smell blood in the water and torture you in mean-spirited, good-natured, funny ways. I also have nice friends, but the sad, sympathetic looks they give me hit deeper than my friends’ jokes, and I tell unfunny jokes to keep those looks off me. No matter which side of the fence they’re on, I suspect that most people enjoy tasting another’s vulnerability so much that they can’t hide their small smiles. I know this because this is how I react to their vulnerabilities.
“You didn’t like the zipline? I thought it was fun!” they say. It’s humbling, embarrassing, and frustrating to be this scared of something that people who make no sense don’t fear. We can drop our “C’mons!” on them, but after we algorithm their answers, we find that they genuinely enjoy ziplining. I realize I have no answers for that, other than I’m just scared. I’mscared of something that frail, little old women and teenagers aren’t. The idea that the zipline experience didn’t rattle the teenagers, in particular, really got to me, because I was the one who helped them get over their irrational fears. “Monsters don’t exist,” “Most bugs aren’t as big as your fingernail,” and “You can take control of your nightmares in a way that will prevent them from being as scary.” I taught them that if they are able to rationalize the irrational, they might not fear it as much. I helped them conquer their worst fears in life, but I never figured out how to deal with mine, until I found an answer.
One of the answers for why I feared ziplining so much is that the plot of most of the nightmares I’ve had since I was a little kid involved being high up on something, looking down, then falling off (or stepping off) a platform into nothingness. We now call this ziplining.
I did it though! Before we continue, I want it noted that I managed to separate myself from what researchers call a clinical case of acrophobia to one who suffers from what they call a visual height intolerance (VHI). Those with a clinical case, the roughly five to ten percent, would’ve never been able to step off that platform into nothingness secured to a line withthree reinforced nylon ropes. I did it. I braved my worst fears, and I tweaked those (to me, crippling) fears by ziplining through a forest. I did it. I jumped off five different ledges and zoomed 30 feet above the ground from tree to tree. Now, how many of my most beloved and loyal members of my friends and family do you think joined me in the celebration of my accomplishment of conquering what I considered the most terrifying experiences of my life? If you guessed zero, you are correct. They then compounded this lack of celebration, while adrenaline coursed through my veins and arteries, by asking: “Are you going to do it again?”
“Who gives a crap! Right now?” I said. “We’re not even a minute away from me conquering my greatest fear in life, and you’re already asking me if I’m going to do it again? Whydon’t we take a minute to celebrate what I just did.”
I find this one of the most annoying elements of being human. I enjoy being a human, don’t get me wrong, and I’m not going to switch species based on this petty grievance, but the minute after we do something we consider momentous, relative to us, our friends and family ask us if we’re going to do it again. They don’t let us savor our accomplishment for one minute. When we graduate high school, which was an incredible accomplishment for me, the first question was, “So, where are you going to college?” When we receive a promotion, they ask, “Is this as high as you want to climb?” Who gives a crap about that now, right now? Right now, I think you should say, “‘Holy Larry!’ You did it!” The key to my frustration, if you haven’t guessed is the “right now” portion of this exercise, the present tense, as in just minutes away from our grand accomplishment. We can get around to all the other stuffwhen we get around to it, but for now, help me celebrate this accomplishment.
In the history of Super Bowls, there are a little over 3,000 NFL players who have reached the pinnacle of their profession. As evidenced by the idiotic and obnoxious sideline reporters, we don’t let those elite athletes celebrate their enormous accomplishment for five minutes, as they ask the star of the game, immediately after the game, ‘Do you think you can do thisagain next year?’ The player responds, “I’m just going to celebrate this one for a while.” Rather than focus on the incredible athletic achievement these fifty-three players, coaches, and the team’s hierarchy just accomplished, we want to know if they’re going to win it all again next year. I want one of these players to look at them with disgust and say, “Do you want to know what it took for us to win what might be the most difficult and prestigious trophies in our country? Do you want to know about the sacrifices the fifty-three players on our roster made to make this happen?” I want this NFL player to talk about, “All those hours you spent watching Netflix, going to parties, and sitting around watching sunsets, I was in the weightroom, in dark film rooms, and in grueling two-a-days, and doing it over and over again for decades. Can you just give me an hour or so to celebrate what it took me and only about 3,000 other men have accomplished in life.”
I understand that some anonymous boob ziplining 30 feet off the ground doesn’t even come close to winning a Super Bowl, but conquering my crippling fear felt just as momentous inthe moment. When I reached the final platform, and it was over, truly over, I felt an adrenaline rush that informed me that I could do anything I wanted to in life. When that adrenaline washed out of my system, I softened my stance a little, because I realized that my friends and family couldn’t understand how huge that moment was for me, but I added that it would’ve been nice if they asked me to try to explain it to them before asking me if I was brave enough to do it again.
I’ll admit that I likely won’t do what was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life ever again (insert your small smile of schadenfreude and sympathy here), but why does that matter? Correction, maybe it should matter at some point in the future, let’s say the one or two years from now when we talk about ziplining again. For now though, right now, let’sjust let me celebrate my crowning achievement for a moment. Let’s just take a second and realize how hard this was for me, and let’s celebrate the fact that I did it, with a dry throat and quivering legs.
When they ask, “Are you going to do it again?” they usually follow our ‘no!’ with, “Really? Because I didn’t think it was that big of a big deal. It was 30 feet off the ground. That’sconsidered a minor to low-medium elevation zipline experience.”
Our ziplining experience was probably equivalent to a kiddie slope in skiing, and all people and companies that offer ziplining experiences know to go over the top with safety measures to make sure their customer base feels secure. This involves being strapped in at three different points and various other procedures the employees require their customers to go through. Our lives were never on the line, in other words, but that’s all rational and reasonable. Those who suffer visual height intolerance (VHI) and a clinical case of acrophobiaknow that a fear of heights is irrational, unreasonable, emotional, and now we know that it’s partly psychological too.
If you missed the key word of that last sentence, go back and reread it and focus on the third to last word of that last sentence partly, for therein lies an answer.
The research states that the majority of my fear of heights is mental, but there are physical elements in there too. That’s right, I found an answer to why some frail, little old ladies who fear things that go bump in the night, and teenagers who still have some remnants of fear of the boogieman haunting their dreams don’t experience crippling fear on a zipline’s platform, and I do. If you’re an acrophobic or one who suffers from VHI, and you don’t have an answer, you might not consider this a quality answer, but I’m okay with that, because like fear in general, the quality of answers are relative to the person.
Research has concluded that some brains are just different. Some brains, be they in a little old lady or a teen, adjust well to heights. Others don’t, and the fear that others experiencemight feel psychological, but its roots are partly physical too — and those roots vary from person to person. At various heights, an individual’s balance system, they’re proprioception,or equilibrium, becomes less stable.
The sensory‑motor system of the acrophobic and VHI sufferer (vision, vestibular organs, proprioception) generates stronger instability signals at heights. The brain’s balance system—its ability to sense its position, movement, and force without relying on visual input, enabling balance coordination, and precise motor control—becomes less stable at varying heights. Some brains interpret that instability as danger; others don’t. It all depends on which side of that divide you fall. When visual cues are far away, your body can’t use them to stabilize posture, so sway increases. Some people’s brains treat that sway as a threat, triggering fear. Others feel the same physical shift but don’t interpret it as danger. Put simply, some brains handle visual–vestibular mismatches smoothly; others become unstable and anxious. If the acrophobic person experienced frightening experiences, or they dreamt them up, they may have incidentally linked instability with danger. Others don’t make the same associations. The individual who doesn’t fear heights isn’t braver or made with a stronger constitution,their body just doesn’t send “danger” signals at heights, and their brain won’t amplify those signals.
So, whether it’s organic or self-imposed, through numerous nightmares, my brain does not handle vestibular mismatches smoothly, and my body doesn’t stabilize posture very well when visual cues are far away. As I wrote, sufferers might not consider that answer an epiphany, and it might not prevent the pack of wolves, we call friends, from whipping out their measuring sticks to prove superiority, but it is an answer.
It’s also an adequate answer to the question, “If you received such an adrenaline rush from tweaking your fear, why wouldn’t you want to do it again?” Adrenaline rushes are short term. They’re not the answer for us, as we will be just as afraid next time as we were this time, because the portion of our brain that regulates proprioception, or equilibrium, when we’re high up is still going to be a little off.
My final word to those who suffer from these varying levels of fear when they’re high up is, there is something wrong with you, but it’s not what you think. You’re not a coward, a fraidycat, or a wimp. Your brain is just a little tiny bit off, and in the grand list of physical, psychological, and mental disorders this might be the one everyone would pick if they were given a choice at birth, if they were forced to pick one. Even if that isn’t the answer you were looking for, the next time you’re so high up you can’t feel your legs anymore, or your tongue feels five times larger than it is; you’ll realize it is an answer.











