Are you Dead Yet? 


“Are you dead yet?” 

“No.” 

“Isn’t this great?” 

“No.” 

How many of us know a “No” character? How many of us know someone who scrunches up a face and says, “You like life? What the heck is wrong with you?”  

No one says that, of course, but they’re dark. They’re so dark, it’s almost as if they’re obsessed with death, and I’m not just talking about goth customers of Fantas Magoria either. I’m talking about relatively normal people living normal lives who focus so much on what they consider the big circumstantial matter that they fail to put enough focus on the little, tiny stuff that could make their little lives more circumstantial.

Those of us who enjoy life, often find ourselves at odds with “No” types.

“I want a happy death.” I would advise you to make the most out of life you can before you die. That might lead to a happier death. “I just put a bundle down on a sound-proof, fully insulated casket on a plot that is as far removed from traffic as I could find. I had to put up with the sounds of traffic in life. I don’t want that in death.” They talk about death as if it’s sleep, as if the sounds of traffic might prove so annoying that it will intermittently wake them from a peaceful death. Nobody knows anything about death, except that it is a final punctuation mark. Once you’re gone, you’re gone.  

We shouldn’t care how this “No” character chose to live his life. Even though we needed him, we shouldn’t care that he wanted it over. He didn’t care that we needed him so much, and he didn’t really want to be remembered. He just wanted it over, for about thirty years he wanted his life over. He chose to live those thirty years in a manner that he thought should be rewarded, but he didn’t really pursue the idea that he should make the most of the gift of life. He just didn’t think that way, but he was a good man. Should we really care how or why he became a good man?  

What if this man wanted to hurry up and get his life over with, so he could join his beloved wife on the other side of pearly gates? What if he never found his life particularly rewarding, and he wanted hurry up and get his reward for living a good and virtuous life? What if there is no afterlife? What if his whole reason for living the life he lived turned out to be untrue? Is it untrue? We don’t know, but it seems like such a waste of life.

They told us there was an afterlife, but who were they? They were writers inspired by God. What does that mean? All writers are inspired by another author, especially at the beginning of their career, but how much does an author inspire what another writer writes? At what point does the writer take over and leave their inspirations behind? The only facts we know with 100% certitude, at this point in history, is that life exists on Earth, and it will end at some point. This might prove disappointing to many, but this could be it for us. 

We’re not supposed to question Them. Why? Why were we created with such intellect if we weren’t supposed to question them, Him, or the teachings inspired by Him? If our creator was so narcissistic that He didn’t want us questioning him, why didn’t he give us the intellect of the chimpanzee? Did He make it a sin to question Him, or did His inspired writers write that questioning them was a sin?   

“I’m not taking any chances. I’m living my life right, just in case.” Again, nothing wrong with that, but even if your quality of life was diminished by her death, you still have something she doesn’t, life. You are here now, and we need you. Why not live the life you have left here on Earth and let matters take care of themselves? Death will come soon enough, and once it does, whatever happens, you’ll likely be banished from Earth.    

If there is an afterlife, will we look down, up, around, or back on our life on Earth with regret? Will we wish we would’ve lived better or different? Even if Heaven, Summerland, Nirvana Celtic Otherworld, or Valhalla are the paradise we’ve been promised, will we be as happy as we’ve ever been, or will they provide us a moment to look back on our life on Earth? If they do, will we finally see how substantial and special life was?  

Life is not a minor inconvenience on the path to something greater, as far as we know. Or, if it is, we should not focus on that idea so much that it begins to impede on our life on Earth. What if the guardians at the gate inform us that life was the reward or gift? 

If we don’t enjoy life for what it is, because of the poor choices we’ve made, we should consider changing it. Some might require a complete overhaul, but most only need a few subtle tweaks. If we’re so unhappy in life that we begin looking forward to death it might be time for a change, before it’s too late, because once you’re gone, you’re gone.  

The fundamental, overriding philosophy of his life was that life is but a comma. I couldn’t articulate a proper response to this at the time, but if were granted enough time to ask him another soul-searching question, I would’ve loved to ask him, “If we’re looking for punctuation marks to define the life we lived, wouldn’t we love it if our loved ones applied an exclamation point at the end of our sentence? You suggest that you don’t want to take any chances that there isn’t an afterlife, and I appreciate that, but what if you applied the same rationale to the beforedeath? My guess is, if there is an afterlife, you’re going to find that the only punctuation marks are question marks, and the final answer to those questions will be that you focused too much of your life on death.”  

What happens at the moment of death? Some say it’s the unceremonious end of a life. There’s nothing more. There’s no soul and no afterlife, and if there’s anything to the idea of rebirth, it can only be found in the manner weeds and worms use our carcass for nourishment. We will die one day, as the ground squirrel, the clover, and the elephant will? Life doesn’t last forever, and it’s our job to do the best we can with the 73.77 years we’ve been granted. 

Some believe our state of being doesn’t end, it changes. Some believe that the afterlife involves a literal transformation into something else. They call it reincarnation. They also believe that their souls have been reincarnated hundreds of times already, and they always trace the path of their soul through someone noteworthy and glorious. Most people were Julius Caesar during the height of his rule in a previous life. No one looks back to see themselves as a vulgar peasant who was forced to commit atrocities to survive. What if, as a result of the life we lived as a human, we come back as a grub, or a dung beetle? Will we have any consciousness of the life we lived before? Will we know that this is our reward/punishment for the life we lived, or will our consciousness of life be as minimal as the dung beetle’s?    

Various religions believe life on earth is but as stage, as opposed to the stage. These religions teach us that this is not all there is, and some of us take great comfort in knowing this. That comfort bothers others, because some are always bothered by comfortable people. They suggest that most religious doctrine almost seems centered around a marketing strategy to attract the angry, sad, and uncomfortable people who need hope.   

We all know the Christian version of Heaven and Hell, but the various Pagan religions have Summerland, the Celtic Otherworld, or Valhalla. They also have their own versions of the Christian purgatory, in that the unsettled soul moves from being to being until it learns what it needs to know to enter the promised land. Most religions share the view that this life on Earth can’t be it. 73.77 years on earth, and we’re done? It can’t be. We’re human beings. We’re the top of the food chain. We have emotions and intellect that should be utilized by a greater force. If the controlling force(s) allow us to dissolve to dust, it just seems like such a waste of life.  

Some other philosophers suggest that it’s possible that through our psychic energy that we’ve created a promised land, through the rational if God doesn’t exist, there might be a need to create Him. We created the internet through our collective intellect, and the metaverse, and the omniverse, who’s to say we couldn’t create our own afterverse composed of dead souls congregating for the rest of eternity? We created this reward for ourselves, because we’re too important to the universe. There’s got to be more than this. What if there isn’t? What if this is it?  

My aunt passed away, or she thought she did. She looked up and saw a bright light. It moved her to tears, until her daughter informed her that it was the examination room light. The sweet smile on her face diminished, and she felt dumb when we giggled. The doctor arrived in the room minutes later, diagnosed her, and they treated her for the next week. She was released from the hospital, and she lived the rest of her remaining years disappointed. One might think that such a near-death experience might wake a person up and lead them to live a better life than the one they lived before the experience. She didn’t. She experienced what she thought was glory, and she lived a life of disappointment and routine in the aftermath.  

What if we had such a spiritually moving experience? Researchers suggest we continue to live 2-20 seconds after death. They say that we experience a surge of electricity in our brain in this brief time span. Other research suggests that dreams can last 50 seconds, but that the average dream only lasts about 15. With both of those theories in mind, we can guess that this surge of electricity in our brains can make an after-death dream feel like one of the most powerfully surreal dreams we’ve ever had. We might feel more alive than we ever have after our death. We might even call it an afterlife experience.    

We should hold no grudges or superiority over intellects who focus on the afterlife. Better minds than ours believe in the phenomenon, and dumber ones believe that we become nothing more than worm food … if we don’t purchase the proper casket with the best insulation technology has to offer. Some label the former superstitious, others mystical, but whatever we call it, it’s not an indicator of intellect. 

I don’t know if there is evidence that could end this debate, but what if we received concrete, irrefutable evidence that the afterlife did or did not exist? Would this lead us to live better lives, or would a sense of hopelessness increase? Would we enjoy our lives more in the aftermath? If there is no afterlife, we’ll never regret how we lived. If there is an afterlife, we might regret how we lived. What difference does that make to you now though, I ask these “No” characters.  

He believed in a deity. He believed in the Christian God. “Why do you think he placed you here, on Earth? What’s your purpose? I doubt He put you here, or any of us here, to live for the promised land.” A literal interpretation is that the promised land is a promise He made to those who make the most of life on earth. Obsessing over that promise almost seems to me a violation of the contract. My guess is God loses patience with those who obsess over death and an afterlife. My guess, if God chose to bring this debate to a close, is that he’d say, “Do everything you can with the greatest gift I ever gave you, life. Death comes soon enough for everyone and everything, and when it does, you’ll know what happens.”   

Do the Apophenia


Apophenia is the spontaneous perception of connections and meaningfulness of unrelated phenomena –The term was coined by K. Conrad in 1958 (Brugger)

We do the apophenia when we see the Virgin Mary in the grill patterns of a grilled cheese, when we see a baked turkey in a cloud formation, and in the unmistakable manner in which a river breaks. “Hey, that’s Bob Hope!” we inform friends that never see our apophenia. 

ChessusFor some of us, the physical connections we make are neat coincidences worthy of note, for others it could be a sign, but for others these connections take on a spiritual meaning. These connections are also made in science, math, the manner in which we study the universe, and the way we study one another.

One psychoanalyst sees child abuse behind every emotional problem their patients have. He may have seen one substantial and irrefutable case that proved to have profoundly affected one patient’s life, and it prejudiced that psychoanalyst in every case that followed. Another man of science achieves conclusions that back up the idea of penis envy in females when his females test subjects fail to return the pencils he gave them for the test. Another sees the old adage “don’t step on a crack or you’ll break your mother’s back” as a more substantial reaction to the fears of the act of intercourse, as the stepping on a crack represents the penis entering the vagina. Science, and the drama of daily life, has humans spotting patterns to explain why we do what we do on a daily basis. Some of the times, the patterns exist. Some of the times they don’t, but if we don’t have patterns to our daily life we fear we may go crazy in the chaos of our studies of who we are.

Seeking a Progressive Intellect

Humans are born with a brain that questions the world around them. When we enter our teens, we question everything we’ve been taught to that point in our lives. Our rock stars, movies, and books teach us something different about life, and they’re usually better looking, and cooler, than our parents, so we believe the rock stars. Our parents are idiots. We then enter our thirties, and we begin to then question our teen rebellion. We begin to think our parents may have had a point about certain things in life, even if we would never give them credit for it. We have experienced a little bit of life to this point, and everything the rock stars and celebrities told us about life has fallen apart. Our rock stars may know a lot about coordinating music, but most of their casual asides about life have proven to be short-sighted. Our favorite rock stars become the idiots. When we enter our forties, and experience even more in life, we finally reach a point where we have our own ideas about life that is an amalgamation of rock star advice, parental advice, and personal experience. We now think our parents were idiots again, but we now have confirmation that we were idiots for ever believing that rock stars knew anything about real life. The one consistent aspect of this consistent questioning is that we question everything. We need explanations. It’s elemental to our DNA.

We’ve even gone so far, at various points in our lives, to question the existence of God. Writer Norman Mailer once asked, “If God didn’t want us to question His existence, why did He give us a progressive intellect?” If He wanted ultimate authority, without dissent, why didn’t He just give us the brain of a chimpanzee and be done with it? If God were insulted to the point of damning us, in the afterlife, every time we questioned Him, why did He give us a degree of brainpower that exists somewhere between His and the chimpanzee’s?

He didn’t give us a brain that could comprehend the enormity of the universe He created, but He did give us a brain that wanted to somehow and in some way. He gave us a brain that would try to break it down into bite-sized morsels for easier digestion. He gave us a brain that sought out patterns and tendencies in the universe and developed mathematical and scientific hypotheses based on those readings. He gave us a brain that could develop findings that helped us understand one small tidbit of the universe with the hope that it would eventually lead to a representative pattern of the manner in which the entire universe operates. He gave us brains that will make mistakes, and learn from those mistakes, and laugh at those mistakes, but he gave us a brain that progressively seeks greater answers based on the small windows He gave us. The mistakes that we make are mistakes of apophenia, or connecting unrelated data in a meaningful manner, but in many ways we can’t help making such mistakes. It’s the way of our minds. Some have suggested that God may have made our brains the way He did for His own entertainment, and others have innumerable reasons that they believe, but no matter what the truth is, it’s hard to imagine that He would be insulted or aggrieved by us using the gift He gave us to its fullest extent.

Studying the Patterns in Life

We study the patterns of our politicians to try to understand why they act the way they do, and we study voting patterns to see how their rhetoric is affecting and influencing us. Employers study patterns to try to discover a manner in which they can make their employees more productive. Employees study patterns in their work to attempt to become better employees. Apophenia will enter into these studies, but we will correct those mistakes in the hope of eventually achieving a sound, representative pattern of the way all of our universes work.

We would love to have a comprehensive pattern for understanding the ways of humanity, but that would be as impossible as achieving a comprehensive pattern of the universe. So, we judge humanity based on the patterns we see, and some of it’s anecdotal, and some of it’s wrong, but we can’t help it, it’s the way our minds work.

The difference between the two studies is when one makes an incorrect, or incomplete, assessment regarding the manner in which the universe operates, he is then allowed to input the new data and correct the assessment. When one makes an incorrect, or incomplete, assessment of humanity, he is considered so wrong that he is eventually discredited. All of us read these assessments with the belief that they do not apply to us, so the assessments are therefore incorrect. We are all outliers in every study, because we’re all individuals, and the idea that the study may be based on general rules means nothing to us. It’s just wrong, and it needs to be corrected… Even if it does, in some manner, apply to us in ways we either can’t, or won’t, admit.

These studies do apply to our friends, however, and it pleases us to recognize their patterns in the studies. It gives us a window into an understanding for how they work. We expect them to be shocked when we spot their patterns, or even complimented by the fact that we have paid such attention to them. More often than not, however, they are insulted. They are insulted, because they live with the belief that they are random creatures that live lives that are so complicated that they cannot be figured out through a random sampling of their otherwise simple brethren. Those of us who study these patterns only do so, because we are generally curious and observant individuals that make the most of our progressive intellect, but before we get righteous and indignant we are forced to admit that we don’t think these studies apply to us either.

Our friends always tell us we are wrong, or these studies are wrong about them, and some of the times we are wrong. Some of the times, we read patterns incorrectly. Some of the times, we do the apophenia. What do we do then? Do we simply alter our perceived patterns accordingly, or do we buy into the idea that there may be a lot more randomness occurring than we originally believed. Most people abhor patterns when they’re informed of theirs. They often feel like they’re being calling them simple when another points out how predictable they are. Anyone that has engaged in such conversations has found that these reactions are simple and predictable.

Most people aren’t as complicated as they want us to believe. Yet, some of the greatest joys we may experience in life occurs when we are immersed in patterns. Knowing what’s expected of us, and fulfilling that task provides us the joy of accomplishment. Living inside that box that our employers are trying to get us to think outside, gives us a degree of comfort we don’t recognize until we venture beyond the border. Most people prefer routine even if it leads to some degree of boredom. Chaos and unpredictability often leads to confusion and unhappiness, but most people don’t want to be the one that points this out to them.

The endless loop of life’s patterns and trends may say more about us than the idea of a random world. We want to know why we loop, when we loop, and if looping in patterns and trends is productive or destructive. The study of this may tell us why we’re at the upper end of the animal kingdom, for while animals may seek patterns in their mating and hunting rituals, they are far more satisfied with the randomness of the world than we are. A lion may spot patterns in a herd of antelope, but he is not studying them to learn greater truths about the antelope. He is simply trying to locate the easiest and safest mode to attack them and satisfy his hunger. Humans seek patterns for greater understanding, and while it’s a noble pursuit we often do the apophenia in our pursuit of the truth.

A Study of Apophenia

In statistics, apophenia is labeled a Type I error, seeing patterns where no patterns exist. Mistakes are made in statistics when a statistician engages in apophenia. Of course patterns exist in statistics, and studying patterns is the purpose of the study of statistics, but a statistician has to guard themselves from proclaiming an answer is reached before apophenia has been weeded out. They don’t want to leap to a conclusion, in other words, before they have thoroughly tested these patterns against their own perceptions.

It is highly probable that the apparent significance of many unusual experiences and phenomena are due to apophenia, e.g., ghosts and hauntings, numerology, the Bible code, anomalous cognition, most forms of divination, the prophecies of Nostradamus, remote viewing, and a host of other paranormal and supernatural experiences and phenomena.{1}

Steve Jobs talked about apophenia as it applies to the random function of the iPod:

“As humans, when we come across random clusters we naturally superimpose a pattern. We instinctively project an order on the chaos. It’s part of our psychological make-up. For example, when the iPod first came out and people started to use the shuffle feature, which plays songs in a random order, many people complained that it didn’t work. They said that too often songs from the same album, or the same artist, came up one after another. Yet that’s what randomness does – it creates counter-intuitively dense clusters.

“We’re making it (the shuffle feature) less random to make it feel more random,” Apple CEO Steve Jobs confessed after Apple was forced to change the feature on the iPod in response to complaints from users. Jobs, and company, changed the programming behind the feature. In other words, each new song now has to be significantly different from what came before, so as to conform to our expectation of randomness.{2}

Customers required that Apple programmers build a feature into the iPod that would make it less random, so we were more comfortable with the idea that it fit our definition of random better. Regardless if there was a pattern to the order in which one song followed another, we spotted one, and we complained. To diffuse the complaints, Apple programmers built in a function that would cause a Metallica song to always follow an Elton John song, so we would see significant contrast in the random and thereby stop searching for the pattern. Say what you want about Apple being uncompromising in their pursuit of perfection with their products, but they are as susceptible to customer complaints as any other company when they receive them in volume.

Feeling Special

SpecialHumans have a need to feel special, but the patterns in day-to-day life normally don’t give one such a feeling. Day-to-day life is usually mundane, pedantic, and exceedingly boring, until you try dying. Dying, or experiencing a near-death experience, can revitalize life. It can give one that special feeling that allows them to appreciate the changing of the leaves, as if for the first time. Seeing a loved one die can wake us through comparative analysis, because we never view these moments as coincidental or happenstance. They’re seminal moments peppered with purpose: “I just talked to Ernie the other day, and he spoke about the death of Peter Sellers … It’s almost like he knew.” Or, “I was just on 158th and Main Street the other day. I went through that very cross walk one week before Ernie did. That could’ve been me.” This gives us a special feeling, an idea that there is a reason we’re alive, and that we must have a purpose or that would be us lying in that casket.

We also believe that special forces have a hand in our romantic entanglements. “I just happened to go to a bar that I never go to, and I just happened to go to the bar to order a drink at the exact moment she did. Fate had to have played a hand there. There’s no other explanation for it.”

The idea that true randomness occurs is impossible for us to grasp. It seems impossible to us that our company just happened to assign Mark and Brenda sit by each other three years ago. Now that they’re married, everyone at the wedding acknowledges that there had to be special forces at work. For some of us, this is simply theoretical fun. For others, it is an undeniable truth. There are no smiles when they say it. They consider such patterns almost creepy in the manner they take place. This is a connection of random coincidences that seem simply too numerous and too coincidental to be anything other than special forces at work.

“You mean to tell me that Tom just happened to be standing in the middle of the street. He said he never just stands in the middle of the street, but he just happened to be there at the exact moment our precious Judy was when a cement truck “just happened” to topple over and almost kill her, until Tom, who just happened to be there, just happened to reach out and grab her. You mean to tell me that all of those circumstances just happened that way? That there were no special forces at work?”

Do the apophenia if it makes you feel better, we skeptics say, but you’re never going to convince us that it was anything more than an incredible series of coincidences that occurred to save your young girl’s life. We’ll be extremely happy for you, and we may even cry with happiness (we’re not heartless), but we will probably be one of the few outliers that doesn’t buy into the fact that Judy is special, and she was saved by special forces that have a special purpose for her in life.

Special Forces at Work

How many moments in our lives have we appreciated all that life has to offer? How many times, after a life-altering circumstance, have the mundane routines and patterns that once zapped our energy, attained value with a revitalized mindset? We can’t even remember that person that used to wake without remembering the morning. We love life now, and that freight train, called the mundane, no longer has the power it once did. We think about how much time was wasted waiting for the minutes to click by, until we could go home. We think about all those hours spent waiting for the weekend, until the weekend arrived and we were just as bored at home, on the weekend, as we were in the workplace. When that life-altering circumstance came around and shook our foundation, we felt like there were no more coincidences and random occurrences. We realize that we walked around in a stupor through life, in the same manner we used to grow hypnotized driving familiar paths only to get there without remembering the drive. Our eyes are now open to a purpose we can never explain or achieve. We just know that we do things differently now. One would expect that a survivor of this sort would be more welcome to the random life has to offer, but more often than not it probably just changes the pattern temporarily.

{1} http://www.skepdic.com/apophenia.html

{2} http://smorgasborddesign.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/seduction-persuasion/