Scorpio Man


I didn’t ask to be born under the eighth sign of the zodiac, during Pluto’s once-in-a-lifetime transiting influence, but here I am in all my despondent glory. I am Scorpio Man. I was once a proud man, and the pride extended to my astrological sign, but you people done broke me down. I’ve resigned myself to the idea that the next time I’m in the office elevator with some nosy, busybody who badgers me for my date of birth, I’m just going to lie. I always knew the astrological sign I was born under, just as I knew my ethnic heritage, but I had no idea how much it meant to other people until I witnessed the reactions some people have to it. The non-verbal shrieks I receive, the attempts you people make to hide your children, and the not-so-subtle attempts you make to escape my company when I mention that the Sun positioned itself in the Scorpio in our birth chart have caused me to be ashamed of my astrological sign. Scorpios are people too, with all of the same hopes and dreams as the rest of you. We want to have friends, and people who love us for who we are, but those of you in the eleven other sectors of the ecliptic have created a climate where the only way Scorpio males can feel comfortable in our celestial phenomena is to lie about our Sun’s positioning.

“I mean you no harm,” I used to say, until I learned that that doesn’t help matters, “and I do not want to hurt you.” I add the latter when I see how shaken people are by this revelation.

Rather than go through that all that again, I’ve decided that I’m just going to start telling anyone who asks that my date of birth happens to fall under a Virgo Sun, and that nothing, not even an Aquarian Mars coming down on me hard-core, can disturb my Zen. If they continue to question me, stating that they can smell the darkness on me, I’m just going to say I’m a Pisces, because they can be whatever the hell they want to be.

I’m grown so tired of the prejudicial reactions I receive from those who know that Pluto is the god of the underworld, and that I just happen to be a man born in the Pluto in Scorpio generation that lying about the essence of my being, and all that I stand for, is now preferable. Is this what you all want? It appears as though you do. I’ve thought about fighting it. I’ve thought about telling you about all of the peace-loving Scorpio brethren that litter history, but I now know that that’s an unwinnable war.

Some of you and you know who you are, have decided that it’s acceptable, in this age of supposed enlightenment and acceptance, to call Scorpio men a dark force! The term dark force, you should know, is a pejorative term my people have had to deal with since the Hellenistic culture exerted its influence on Babylonian astrology. Just because a few bad eggs have gone rotten since that point does not mean we should throw the whole basket out. In this age of enlightenment, one would think that we would all make a more concerted effort to see passed whatever constellation the Sun happened to be in at the time of our birth.

Even those of us who decided to undergo extensive, and I add expensive, treatment to achieve the evolved state of a Scorpio man, still get that look from you troglodytes who happened to crawl out of the womb during another, superior positioning of the Sun, when you suggest that we “Can be total trips sometimes.” Then to have that air of superiority that comes from some of you (I’m looking at you Cancer Sun women!) who know that we will either get murdered (statistical samples show that most Scorpio males may get murdered in their bed) or murder (statistical samples state that Scorpio males “Can be most high rated criminals” (sic)). And just because we tend to be serial killers who “Thrive on power and control because they [Scorpios] are so insecure, and if they loose (sic) that power or control they go crazy” does not mean that it’s going to happen on our elevator ride together.

We don’t know when it’s going to happen, if you want to know the truth, and some of us have been able to control our Scorpio man impulses thanks to extensive and expensive “Scorpio man” evolvement courses.

It’s obvious you don’t care about any of that though. You’re not even curious enough to ask. You can say you are, but we all know what you say about us when we’re not around. We know you think we’re “Sadistic in our ability to bring out the worst in others.” We realize that no matter how hard we try to prove that we might, might be exceptions to these rules, you’re still going to say things such as, “There may be exceptions to this [Scorpio man] phenomenon. Would not want to rule out that possibility, however, they are rare.”

It’s this kind of talk that has led even us tweeners (i.e., those so close to other signs that we may share astrological characteristics with another sign) who have taken classes to diminish the power of their dark half, to decide that we’re just going to lie about our date of our birth from this point forward. We didn’t want it to come to this, and our intention is not to deceive you, as most of us are quite proud of the position of the Sun in the constellation at the time of our birth. The climate you have all created, with your prejudicial reactions, is now so toxic that it’s become almost impossible for some of us to live normal lives, and we’ve reached a point where it’s just easier for us to conceal that aspect of our identity that was, at one time, such a proud heritage to some of us.

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